My life is constant bullshit. A constant struggle. A constant fight that just never seems to end. This morning so far has already put me in a bad mood and I really just want to cry and shut out the entire world. I'm sick of the belittlement. I'm sick of the berating. Honestly I thought everything was fine. It has been, but of course all good things must end. And with my family the good things end a lot faster.
So my aunt tells me the following this morning:
After all of this she tells me if something is on my mind would I talk to her about it. I say yes, when in reality I've never expressed myself to her about anything because it would be pointless.
I just wish she'd notice I'm trying. I'm working my ass off to get a job, to make money, to help out. I'm fucking trying. I'm trying so hard. I'm doing everything I possibly can. You all have no idea how poor I really am.
I'm just trying to hold on. To grasp anything and to hold on tight. To fight to keep going because seriously these last few years I've been battling the worst depression I've ever had and I just want to give up all the time.
I'm just not happy.